What made you what you are today?

I failed to notice the dark clouds which were all storming towards me. While I was busy celebrating the light, suddenly the smoke was everywhere making it difficult for me to breathe.

No there weren’t any stars visible in the dark which those inspirational quotes claim about. An unwanted and unexpected moment not willing to pass at all. I was confused.

I asked myself that were my eyes even open because I couldn’t see anything. Though I could feel something surrounding me with all the bad vibes.

I could hear it cursing with a promise that it won’t leave me for a long time now. And will stay and make things difficult for me everyday for many more days ahead.

But right when I was about to give up I reflected upon myself & my journey so far. I realised that I have always been moulded by those who built me as well as the ones who have broken me. These days shall pass too. And it will again mould me into something new.

So what made you what you are today?

Community Immersion : Extended Family!

When she mentioned that I shouldn’t leave her house because she feels lonely without me, I felt my purpose was served. 

She is Kunti Ma’am, an Aanganwadi Teacher in Vadyuda village of Bageshwar District. I’m living in her shelter from the past 10 days for a community immersion project and 10 more days to go. She has taken care of me like my mother but also been a supportive and funny friend. 

She is again an inspiration to me because she has been living alone for a longer while now that her family has shifted to the city to work and earn. She has encouraged them all and herself as well to lead her motive for people’s welfare. 

She call’s me Nikita and keeps asking me if I’m hungry even after I have eaten.

Ofcourse there is a discomfort to live at someone’s place without paying them anything. 

But when they love you like their own and support you for your vision you know that you have increased your family. Right? 

Village : Vadyuda, Block : Kapkot,District : Bageshwar

Vipassana Retreat : Power of isolation.

With my first Vipassana retreat I tasted silence and solitude. Several months before I moved from Mumbai to Uttarakhand to find some peace. To escape the regular life and contribute in the rural community. While I worked between the cold & misty mountains I decided to travel to Jaipur for a Vipassana course. Not only for meditation but in search of some answers to my misery. And look where I found the key, within myself. 
Dhamma Thali Vipassana Centre demands us to remain silent for 10 days, without talking to anybody one must meditate the whole day, eat plain food & isolate itself deeply. 

Being a proportionate explorer I could see myself getting down in life after seeing the mess in myself. 

It wasn’t that easy because just like some, I am a complicated person with tangled cycle of thoughts. I have always been writing stories and verses to entangle my own miseries. But here I learned to accept the same without giving any feeling or any label of craving or aversion. 

Yes! I felt like running away the very next day. The first few days was a jail experience. If I knew I could then I would have surely left the place. 

I had several people around me who followed the course rules of not even passing gestures to each other. Disconnecting myself from everyone and technology was not difficult but being unable to share the outbreak made me feel weak. Who knew it was making me strong. I kept smiling because I wanted the same to reflect between the people in the same journey. And started stitching stories inside my mind. 

Unfolding some tales turned unnecessary. The baggage of this untold experiences ain’t heavy either. 

Letting go of many unwholesome beliefs and habits that had set boundaries, one becomes aware of the body and the mind. Mostly the interaction between the two. Because we are usually busy distracting ourselves so we can’t see or readily face some difficult truths about life and death, joy and suffering, karma and chaos etc. 

This will change – This is what I learned, experienced & will follow that nothing is permanent. And also that I am not going to perform any good only for others to think I’m good. But for myself to feel good. 

The experience is different for everyone. Some take a dive into deep peace, some barely are able to get the hang of it. But this course isn’t demanding. It believes in giving to all those who can accept. I did and I’m happy. I suggest you all the same. 

The best stories will be curated when you will have no pen or paper on you.  
Have a happy reading & meditation. 🌻

We must survive but happily.

Problems are part of our lives. We invite some and few occur uninvited. They seem to be out of control sometimes and how others remark our issues bluntly makes us go mad. They advice us to relax and take it easy and when they go through the same they are simply living our trauma too.
Another human tendancy after all!

I think my problems are always bigger then the others. And every other human thinks the same.

But what I really want to suggest here is getting at our hyper mode won’t really change the situation. The situation is going to remain the same and will change either for good or bad. All we should do is not let it impact our lives in a negative way.

Why? Because unless we keep ourselves content with what we have, our mind won’t possess the stability to deal with what is happening. Try to get involved in something else till the phase disappears. Eventually we are still going to have what was supposed to happen. One shouldn’t drown themselves in their grievances so much that they keep their lives aside.

(I’m going through a similar phase, it is difficult I understand. But trust me I’m doing and feeling better then what I used to before)

All you have to do is survive, but happily instead.

Do visit my work on instagram @tfu__
Have a happy reading & writing 🙂

Read humans too!

I chose reading because imagining is fun. Every word carved within those respective papers is more defining that any movie. I get an opportunity to live someone else’s life mentally and the experience is everlasting.

Let’s get back to my microtale above.
Would I be rightful to anybody’s feelings, if I am not willing to understand or reciprocate ?

No! Because it’s just like carrying a big fat novel to read without any attemp or intension to read. 
I am not discussing mind-reading here,  but largely about reciprocating to someone’s feelings or expectations willing.

Why? Because all this while you were reading a book and a story that belongs to someone else. Life gives you opportunity to read a person who belongs to you. You can bring about necessary changes to it, no you can’t erase anything but begin a new chapter any moment.

While you read books, read humans too.

Have a happy reading! Take care 🙂

Another Goodbye!

To an uncertain outcome of ignorance towards the do’s and don’ts of love, she finally wishes him a happy farewell from far away.

Back in time, she looked like a moon every evening mostly dull and wan! And he was a wanderer who wore a black blind fold, trembling with instabilities but now is gone!

She predicted the unpredictability in him and rightly sensed that people don’t change, they simply hide their true self!

He followed an equation of recurrence relation where his mistakes were bigger than the previous ones. So now she regrets awaiting the unworthy, decides a happy and steady let go!

Why he never appeared for a goodbye meet? With much more secrets hidden beneath. Her existence mattered less to celebrate, so the exiting concerns no mourn, she felt!

With his effortless absense, she couldn’t try mending, eventually they weren’t at all bending!

Following another goodbye they simply and rightly were only ending!

But wait….
This ain’t her last!

Years of intensely immobile flux of time!

Keeping herself at bay winning every battle she has always been misunderstood as a strong being!
Why to push her to fight or face, interpreting it to her that its in her destiny.

She might drown to disappear someday deep within her own grieves. She should be living just like all of us!

When she’s hurt, breaks pieces of herself to leave it there itself. Years later they pull her back showing how time trapped she is. Why can’t she be blessed with a positivity so strong?

Never was rescued from any misery.
Nothing seems to set her free from paying debts to someone else’s bad deeds. Perhaps she needs her own sky to swim into without fearing anything.

With every approach of life, she keeps deceiving into certain moments such as the time when she played with toys. Till the time when she stood aware about getting categorized as a toy too!

Too early had she started running away from everything and everybody, collecting nobody who knew why was she doing it!

Was she so invisible to anybody who could soothe away those drops which would roll down her skin every night? Then the harsh sunlight would fall upon it to vaporize those.

She needs to know where is a safe place? Digging herself inside the pillow has helped her a little each day!

It is wrongly said that, Natures state keep changing along with everybody’s life. Because she has been experiencing an intensely immobile flux of her past, till present!

Time keeps wailing always, gripping upon the same old. Nothing seems to be decreasing. She might grow unaware at her happy times, but the reality is that it’s still there and nothing can help her erase.

Oh the words don’t seem to be organised properly she knows, it becomes difficult sometimes to write down the thoughts that keep multiplying.

Matters less! All that matters is a feeling that these words might reach somewhere to get her an answer about changing it all over again.

linsmeow16@gmail.com

Write to forget!

                              
Coming across a beautiful piece one night, my mind began to revolve around a thought for long.

I kept thinking about those hearts, who are giving away the very thing they themselves were denied.

There are such writers who are out pouring their sadness by writing away happy tales.

Deep wounds have lead to distended hearts, is an art of rectification to help their own misery.

Who never were blessed with a new beginning, now are giving all their characters a happy ending.

These birds wander somewhere high above others enhancing their imaginations.

Maybe to write away the love which never was experienced, while they  write to forget.

Day began for my thoughts to complete the journey at this orbit.
Yet I kept wondering why were they doing this?
And then I looked into the mirror to
ask myself ‘WHY?’ 🌻

linsmeow16@gmail.com

They were leaving, without leaving!

Every breeze warm,
pinched while it warned.
“Don’t turn”
for one it whispered!
“Don’t return”
to the other it said!

They were those guest waves,
lately had realised!
Who with every downfall,
should have to meet.
Raising each other high,
must have to leave!

Those brave hearts they were,
disturbed by their destiny.
Yet won’t disturb the destined,
accepting it all, completely!

There were moments,
of course!
As music filled the sky,
silence crept in!

And they were leaving,
Without leaving!

linsmeow16@gmail.com

Solace in her dreams!

Maybe she had comfort in her dreams,
for now nowhere else could.

Maybe she heard words in her dreams,
he might say or never would.

Maybe she had a relief in her dreams,
with untune turning alright.

Maybe she found solace in her dream, when she slept last night.

linsmeow16@gmail.com